Chapter 35: Cousins and Nieces and Nephews, Oh My!

New Jersey and Maryland, United States, May 28 - June 4

Oct 07, 2024

We’ve been to numerous exotic places on this trip, stretching across the globe. In this next chapter, we explore one of the world’s most astonishing places: East Coast suburbia. That’s right, in the middle of galavanting around continental Europe, we took a trip back to America. A huge fraction of my family was attending my second-cousin Raghav’s wedding in New Jersey and we literally wouldn’t miss it for the world. Traveling here afforded us a chance to see Camille’s family in Maryland – our niece, nephew and my siblings-in-law.

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

We flew from Barcelona to JFK, landing in the mid afternoon. This was our longest flight since we embarked from San Francisco to Sydney at the start of our trip. Going this direction, we got to do a bit of time traveling in the plane.

We decided to rent a car to simplify logistics for our time on the East Coast. We always rent the cheapest automatic that works for our dates and location. This was no exception. After collecting our bags and making it through customs (we finally got to use our Global Entry), we waited in a long line at the car rental place. Children, teenagers, and their adults in line were palpably impatient. In all fairness, the line took a long, long time to get to the front. Camille and I had no trouble staying calm. Waiting in transit limbo is practically our occupation, corporate car rental lines are no exception. We made it to the front keeping our cool, remaining effortlessly polite. We were lucky to have been assigned the rental car worker who seemed most competent (she gave off vibes that she was running the show).

“I see you rented a Ford Fiesta, is that correct?” she asked.

“Yes, that sounds right.” Camille confirmed.

“Would you like to be upgraded to a red Mustang at no extra charge?”

Camille and I turned towards each other in disbelief.

“Uhh… Yeah!!!”

That’s right. She gave us a brand new, red sports car. This whole leg of our trip, we rode in style. We got into our life-sized Hotwheel and drove to New Jersey.

We were staying with my Aunt Madhu. This was not the first time this gap year we got to spend quality time with her. Way back in October 2023, we basically joined her on her visit to relatives in Sydney and Melbourne, Australia. It was our first time (at least, since I’ve been an adult) that we’ve gotten to visit her at home.

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

We knew that after spending serious time away from the US, we would probably experience some culture shock coming home. The reality is a bit more nuanced. Since Camille and I have lived all of our lives in California, New Jersey felt like a new place. At the same time, we leaned hard into slices of Americana that no longer exist the same way out west that were alive and well here in New Jersey.

For example, we spent the day doing errands in a suburban mall. Walking around there felt like traveling in time. The decor and shops haven’t seemed to change since the late 1990s or early aughts. It felt like I was back in the malls of my youth growing up in Southern California, places that have since become super upscale and somehow incarnations of the internet in physical space. This mall was a refuge from all that. In a weird way, it felt like coming back home.

Aiding the simultaneous feeling of nostalgia and simulacrum, we did quintessential mall activities. We went bra shopping at JCPenny for Camille. We spent a great deal of time in the children’s book section of Barnes & Nobles to pick out gifts for our niblings. I think we literally walked past a Hot Topic.

We came home from our afternoon of errands to rest, planning to see nearby family later on. Just one town over from Madhu Auntie’s house was the home of another branch of the family. I texted my cousin, Jessica, who was staying there to see if we could come over. Before getting a response, my Massi Sweety from the UAE (another Gap Year cast member we originally met in Chennai) called me on the phone. She said that a whole bunch of family members were meeting up at Raghav’s parents house (my Uncle Raju and Aunt Sangeeta) and that I should get down there immediately! We deliberated plans for a bit, but ultimately hopped in our car and drove to the other side of the state. The three of us – Camille, Aunt Madhu and I – arrived in our sports car in the rain.

While I have spent time with my Uncle Raju and Aunt Sangeeta before, I had not really met the groom or his brother Sid. Not only did we get to meet them, but we also met a whole host of other family. For example, Mitu (who we met in Tasmania) was there, along with her sisters Ginny and Manni (who we met in India) as well as her brother Nitin (hadn’t met yet; from Ireland), and their parents, Manju and Romi (who we also just met in India) were all there and welcomed us with ample enthusiasm. I really admire that my Uncle Romi is a passionate historian – he was taking pictures and selfies with as much frequency as joy. What else is there to do when your family is otherwise spread across the globe?

The evening was full of drinks and snacks, stories and laughter, and a delicious Mediterranean dinner. We stayed as long as we could, given the hour drive back home. This taste of family was such a beautiful preview for the rest of the weekend.

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Today, we indulged in dense urbanism once again, as we headed into New York City. Camille used this window of being in the US to visit the doctor. The clinic she’s a part of has offices in Williamsburg, so we made a day out of it. First thing this morning, we took a commuter bus into Manhattan.

Once we got into the city, we ate a couple bagels from the Chelsea Market, and then split up. Camille headed to Brooklyn (on the L train, I presume), and I took the subway to Midtown. I decided to use this opportunity to visit a colleague of mine while I was working – Ryan Abernathy, who I used to collaborate with on climate and weather projects. The year prior to Gap Year, I had invited Ryan to visit me and my team at the Google offices in New York. This time around, he returned the favor.

It was great to catch up and hear a bit of the goings on in this niche of tech and science that I used to work in. I was happy to learn about all the cool technical things going on at his startup, EarthMover, and maybe moreso, to get to know Ryan better. He took me out to lunch with one of his co-workers, and after, he let me linger by his office’s coffee machine.

I left this part of town, walking by the southwest corner of Central Park, to meet back up with Camille. We each took transit back to the Chelsea Market area to enjoy one of the Merose’s favorite meals in the city: Xi’an Famous Foods. This restaurant chain serves Western Chinese food, specifically the most amazing hand pulled noodles you’ll ever taste (well, outside of Xi’an). This cuisine, to me, is the best accomplishment of a millennium's worth of trade along the Silk Road: It features East Asian hand-pulled rice noodles and spicy chili oil with Middle-Eastern (Mediterranean?) influences like lamb, cilantro, and cumin. Every time we visit New York, we eat Western Chinese food – if we can swing it.

All fed and day full, we took the bus back home to New Jersey. It felt like we were commuting back from a day of work in the city – a glimpse of life in an alternate timeline. Boy, were we tired. We listened to podcasts and scrolled on our phones on this commute. This deep dive into our phones was notable: we happened to watch the results of Trump’s felony conviction – from the New York courthouse mere miles behind us – break in real time. Maybe if a verdict had been rendered a bit earlier, we would have joined the celebrations happening in the city that evening. Realistically, we would have been on that bus either way.

Back home at Madhu Auntie’s place, we spent the evening doing something far more precious: We looked through every bound family photo book she had. I saw black and white photos of her wedding to my late Uncle Ashok in the seventies, juxtaposed with my cousin Teeny’s wedding to my cousin Vik in the 2010s. I got to see pictures of my mom and her siblings when they were growing up, often at weddings of other corners of my family. This was a true joy and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Friday, May 31, 2024

Today we headed to south New Jersey – in a suburb just outside of Philadelphia – to start the wedding weekend. We made plans with my mom and my Aunt Sunita to meet at the recently constructed Hindu temple, the Akshardham Mandir. First, as we left, we headed to CVS to pick up our prescription medications.

Our quick trip to CVS revealed bad news – apparently, our insurance dropped our coverage. We’ll spare you the details, but essentially the government made changes to the eligibility requirements. What you need to know is that our time in the awesome Hindu temple was punctuated by panicked phone calls, and that it all worked out in the end. This is quintessentially what it means to be an adult: you have to deal with things that are both deeply stressful and deeply boring.

After driving to the middle of the state, we found ourselves at the third biggest Hindu temple in the world. We’d soon learn about how a monument of this stature came to be. We met up with my mom and aunt and had a lovely time touring the grounds. We entered the first section of the temple, a room of worship covered in tapestries made entirely out of marble. Despite the traditional Hindu ornament, this temple made material choices and followed a construction philosophy to prioritize longevity. With modern technology and resources, the builders were able to create scenes of the life of the temple’s founder entirely out of marble, precious stones, and other durable rock. I was amazed by the forethought and consideration of the legacy of the place I stood. I often ask myself the question, “What from today will still be around in a thousand years?” Before this, my answer was only the “happy birthday” song. I can now add the Akshardham Mandir to that list.

We left the room we were in to visit the main temple at the center of the campus. We walked around it for maybe another hour, gazing at the depictions of the swami revered by the complex, and talked about members of our family. After our visit to the temple, and a brief call between Camille and our insurance support rep, all of us met up and headed to the temple’s cafeteria. We enjoyed a delicious vegetarian lunch before heading back on the road to head to the south end of the state.

We drove down to Cinamminson, NJ. I got a shave before heading to the hotel where everyone would gather. This evening, nearly all of my first cousins would be in town at the same time, including my little sister Maia. At this wedding, Maia was hard-launching a new boyfriend. The first time anyone would get to meet him – including myself or my mom – was this weekend, if not this evening. This whole cohort of my family met up at a restaurant nearby for dinner. I was excited to see my cousins Ria and Ty and their parents Aunt Shashi and Uncle Joel. Meera and her mom Sunita accompanied my mom to dinner. While this bunch of us got seated, Maia arrived fashionably late with her boyfriend Raymond.

Dinner was full of merriment, conversation, and fast-casual Mediterranean salad bowls (I’ve never seen CAVA on the West Coast - why not!?). We all had such a good time catching up, that we continued the party later on at the hotel bar. This nightcap couldn’t last too long, however, as it was the night before the first day of wedding events.

Saturday, June 1, 2024

The day began with the Haldi. In the morning, a stream of relatives flowed into the hotel sunroom dressed in whites, golds, and yellows. Once there, there was a teeming crowd of loved ones immersed in conversations and greetings and photo commemorations.

Over the DJ’s music was quintessentially loud chatter. I remember talking to Jessica and Varun and Gonu a lot during this time. This morning, I finally got to meet Manni’s husband – a pilot who just moved to Goa ahead of her. He wore really cool glacier glasses, which really stuck in my mind as a thing that pilots do. I remember talking to Nitin this morning, too. I got to know him better throughout the wedding weekend. At some point, maybe a few drinks in, we had a conversation where I asked what he could do with a really good weather forecast, and he said he’d know how they’d fit well within the stock market. The morning was a blur of cocktail conversations, all of us looking great.

Eventually, the DJ announced that the ceremony was about to begin. There was a false start; it seemed people were having such a good time catching up that the events were delayed until later. Soon enough, Varun jumped into action and helped get everyone outside.

We all sat down in a semicircle of chairs facing three triangle backdrops decorated with yellow streamers. Before we knew it, the couple to be married were seated in chairs in buckets, with crowds of friends and family lining up to paint their skin with turmeric. After everyone had the opportunity to bless Raghav or Sonia, depending on whose side of the family they were on, the Haldi was over. Following after was a taco lunch.

After lunch, the celebration was over and we returned to our hotel rooms. We had a lot of down time to rest before the evening, when many of us were to attend the family welcome dinner. Camille and I mostly rested in our room, which we were sharing with Meera and her boyfriend Fabian. We talked for a while and then eventually all had a good long nap.

I drove Camille, Meera and Fabian to dinner in our Mustang. We met at a classy Mediterranean restaurant inside of a mall. While we were a little early, soon waves of guests arrived and found their seats. The four of us sat with a group from our corner of the family: My sister and her boyfriend, our cousins Ria and Ty, their parents, and my mom and my Aunt Sunita.

We enjoyed hanging out with lots and lots of our extended family – it’s so rare to see everyone all in one place!

Saturday, June 2, 2024

Today was Raghav and Sonia’s wedding day. We all gathered at the venue nearby. It was a gorgeous place. It had fountains and a grand staircase at the entrance and red satin curtains. In a previous time, the place might have been used for debutante balls.

Before the festivities began, the party of the groom gathered in a dining room. Many men waited to get turbans tied on their heads for the ceremony. We were all waiting in anticipation to start the bharat, but the bride’s party was running late. In my experience of Indian weddings, the bridal party always runs a bit late.

It was time for the bharat. We left the dining room and headed for the far end of the parking lot. Uncle Raju proclaimed, “The wedding planners said that we should have less time for the bharat because we’re running late. But you know what? We’re not going to do that. We’re taking our time! We’re doing it right!” (At least, that’s what I remember him saying.) We all were pumped, so eager to send off our man.

Raghav lay behind us all, riding a white horse brandishing a saber, while all of us, a giant crowd of his loved ones, jumping up and down and dancing, screaming, moved forward at a pace set by the DJ and MC, who rode ahead of us in a car blasting music accompanied by live drums. It was a lot to take in. One of the little cousins was soon swooped up and propped in front of Raghav on the horse. Movement, rhythm, cheering, streamers, photos, and music abounded. The bharat was epic.

After a climactic ending, we were all granted a break. The wedding attendees were soon destined to enter the room of the ceremony. This room was gorgeous: rows of chairs facing an ornately decorated ceremonial display on the stage, with a grand glass skylight above us. For now, we all got to drink a coffee and mango lassi and other refreshments just beyond the entrance. Many folks in the ring of first generation cousins and closer family members clustered together in a group to chat. Before you knew it, we made our way to our seats for the ceremony.

Raghav and Sonia’s procession was elegant. I remember Sonia entering the room with an aura of wonder across all seated audience members. She was delicate and gorgeous. The ceremony, like all traditional Hindu ceremonies, took a long time, yet was full of delight. I really enjoyed the officiant that Raghav and Sonia picked; he did a good job explaining to the audience – or at least, to me – the significance of each part of the ritual. I enjoyed watching the happy couple embody their vows over seven resolutions around the altar of a fire; in the final revolution, a pledge for lifelong friendship. It’s so apparent watching how Raghav and Sonia interact with one another, how much they cherish each other; how deep their companionship runs. From where I sat, I could feel in each off-hand laugh or coy smile towards one another during odd ceremony moments the earnestness of their love. All this is to say that the ceremony was beautiful and I loved watching every moment of it.

Soon after the couple was wed, we cheered. It wasn’t time for all of us to leave, however. Next up was an opportunity for all subsets of the family to get a photo with the happy couple! We could talk while waiting, and we all hung out and reflected on the beautiful ceremony we all just witnessed. There were a lot of groups (all of us from the “West Coast” were group 20), and it was nice to have some loosely structured time to chat. Between you and me, dear Reader, I was happy that the name bolded on the group 20 paper – the person who the cohort was associated with – read “Alex.”

Pictures taken and an emotional mini-hangover in full swing, I was grateful to move on to the buffet lunch. Camille and I sat with several second cousins who we have hung out with at previous weddings, namely Nikki, Gonu, and Ruchika. After lunch, we all returned home and many of us took a nap. Well, that’s what Cam and I did.

Some time after we awoke and got glammed up, we headed to the cocktail hour back at the venue. We all were dressed in formal wear for the evening, and we looked good. The decor and food from the cocktail hour was superb. In addition to tray passed appetizers, you could get a taste of roast lamb served by sword. I found this to be so cool, and the lamb was perfectly tender. I spent the cocktail hour with Cam talking to some of Raghav’s close friends. We had a great conversation, and I was happy to get a feel for Raghav’s community.

Cocktail hour over, it was time for dancing and dinner. We all migrated into a big ballroom with dozens of circular tables, a center stage, and area for dancing. I sat between Camille and Ria, with her younger brother Ty to her right. We all were at a table right next to the bar (whoever was in charge of the seating chart did an excellent job). While wedding staff were pouring glasses of champagne in preparation for toasts, I went to the bar to get drinks with Camille.

My younger cousin Ria is of drinking age, but doesn’t generally drink. As a person who enjoys a good cocktail, she indulges in letting me introduce her to mixed drinks that I think she would enjoy. Tonight, I got her and myself a couple of vermouth spritzes — I love vermouth, and I figured she would appreciate a low ABV drink as much as I do.

The toasts commenced. We heard such lovely speeches from everyone granted the mic, but a few stand out in my memory. One was from Varun. We met up with him a few days before while in Manhattan for coffee. At that time, we got a sneak peak into the speech as he asked for our feedback. He delivered it along with Raghav’s brother, Sid, and the two of them expressed their love for Raghav with exuberance and sincerity.

The other speech that I remember was from Uncle Raju. He surprised me with such an incredible display of energy and humor. The crowd roared with laughter. Uncle Raju is normally very funny and charming; when I say I was surprised, it was for the amount of polish in his routine. What an excellent Father-of-the-Groom speech!

After toasts, the evening transitioned into dances. Soon after the choreographed dances, everyone gathered on the dance floor to get down. Cam and I danced for a few songs before sneaking away to claim a plate of food from the buffet. We needed the energy to really bring our all for the rest of the evening.

That reception, two more moments stand out in my memory. Raghav, a former DJ, spun a set of songs for everyone to dance to — so so fun. In addition, the crew of cousins who hung out at a previous wedding in Turkey recreated a group picture. It was a night to remember.

We closed down the ballroom and made it early to the after party. This was hosted in the same hotel bar that my immediate family met up at earlier in the weekend. Cam and I got a few drinks as various relatives trickled in, but left fairly early. Jessica graciously split her Wawa sandwich with us — our first Wawa ever.

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We made it long enough to give our wishes to the happy couple, and soon after we retired. It was a day to remember.

Monday, June 3, 2024

Monday morning arrived and with it, Act II of our family visit began. We drove two hours south of New Jersey to Maryland to visit Camille’s brother, Jason and his family. We pulled up to their house in their quiet suburban home outside of Baltimore in our red Mustang. Karla, our sister in law, was working at her home office by the entrance. Cam and I are quite comfortable in their home by now; we’re used to getting set up to stay with them. After dropping off our bags, we rested. Camille even took an unexpected nap on the living room couch.

Our niece and nephew, Talia and Nathan, were to be picked up by Jason and Karla after their daycare and school was over. The plan was for Camille and I to meet them at Obie’s, a local ice creamery in town with great soft serve. We drove over and waited for the kids to arrive, excited to greet them.

Nathan, who seemed to spot Camille immediately, came running towards Camille and lept into her arms. In their embrace, the world paused. Talia, only two or so years old, seemed to be a bit shy around us at first, maybe too young to remember all the time we’ve spent together. We wonder how much she needs to follow Nathan’s lead to know we’re OK to be around. Well, not for much longer — they grow up so fast.

Karla, I should mention, was very pregnant during our visit. While eating ice cream together on the picnic table, we found out that technically she was lightly in labor. This seemed like a big deal to us, but Jason and Karla remained serene in a way known only to parents on their third pregnancy. It was very special that Camille and I got to visit them during this special window before their family would change shape forevermore. Camille bounced in and out of the conversation with the adults because Nathan and Talia were showing her around their favorite places to play in the grass – a cartoonishly sized Adirondack chair, a chain-held wooden swings.

When it was time to go, Nathan and Talia naturally gravitated towards the red sports car in the parking lot. We felt very suave when we got to tell them that this was our car. Maybe we omitted explaining the adult dynamics of rental vehicles to the little boy. They begrudgingly rode with their parents on the way home, secured in their car seats.

Once we got home, we took them on a short joy ride around the neighborhood. Cam treated them to a few vrooms worth of acceleration when she could.

Jason and I picked up pizza from their favorite local place, and I talked to him the whole time about the cusp of their family of five. We all ate dinner together. Afterwards, we participated in bedtime by reading the children the new books we got them.

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

It’s really hard to sleep-in in a house with a five and three year old. Though, by now, we’re used to being woken up by Nathan and Talia. We had fun with a short morning playtime before breakfast and getting the kids ready for school.

We waited with Nathan at the bus stop to give him a proper send off. This time, however, Nathan didn’t have his backpack. It must have been in the car carrying Talia to daycare, so, unfortunately, Nathan would not have all the things he needed for class. This deeply upset the boy. He was crying when we said our goodbyes, murmuring about the backpack. But we also knew, it was not just about the backpack. We wished we could have spent more time in Maryland, more time with him. The feeling of heartbreak was mutual.

Kids gone, the street was quiet. It palpably felt early in the morning to me. This early start was not wasted by us, we took advantage of the early start to errands, enjoying the conveniences afforded us by being in the US. The errands ran long, and we brought home CAVA lunch for us, Jason and Karla. Soon after eating, it was time for us to say our goodbyes to them, too.

And we were off. We headed for the airport car rental return, and said goodbye to our red Mustang. We were bound for a connection in Chicago, and then a red eye back to Barcelona.